Once again a Sunday afternoon rolls around and finds me enjoying the company of my family whilst nursing my hangover with the aid of fattening food and TV. As the afternoon progresses, the dynamic of our line up changes. Laura dresses and prepares to venture up to school...and her recently ex- boyfriend Matt takes her place in our group. Sundays have long been the guitar playing day and despite recent events, today was to be no different. Tom and Matt make themselves comfortable on the couch, following each others lead with guitar riffs and original songs. I sit across from them and enjoy the music while half paying attention to the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that has been broadcast on repeat for the last 36 hours...



I am in the group of people that will readily admit were terrified of the original Willy Wanka movie and thus attempted to avoid it at all costs. It wasn't until I got alittle older that I was able to view Gene Wilder's portrayal of Wanka as nothing short of genius. This of course does not mean that I am as of yet able to watch the entire movie...this simply means that I can appreciate a fantastic performance when I see one. That being said, I did not have alot of interest in watching the remake. Anyway...cut back to the present. Through the dueling guitars, I was able to watch the beginning of this remade movie...more specifically the scenes showing the 2 sets of grandparents resting in one bed, which happens to be conveniently positioned directly in the center of the Bucket's kitchen. Which brings me to the point of this blog....



Why the hell do the poor Bucket's allow both sets of grandparents live in one bed in the middle of their house? Targeting my anger more specifically, I hate grandpa Joe. This man is clearly healthy enough to accompany Charlie on his chocolate adventure. In the remake, this faker even shows enough stamina to jump out of bed and do a dance when Charlie returns home with the long sought after golden ticket. Any man capable of dancing is also capable of holding at least a part time job...contributing a little financial assistance to the struggling Bucket family. Or, at the very least, Grandpa Joe can help carry the community bed to an out of the way room or corner. Or even help Charlie's father build a second bed, thus eliminating the need for all the grandparents to share one queen sized bed. I imagine in a modern day telling of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Grandpa Joe would be eligible for disability and even an access card. The family would be on welfare and all of the grandparents would be living in assisted living communities. With this level of government involvement, some health care organization would be able to see that Grandpa Joe's only disability was laziness and therefore make him ineligible for the financial aid granted to the rest of his family. With any luck, Joe would find himself being hauled away to some workhouse....forced to live his remaining years participating in the manual labor he avoided during his vacation sleeping in his son's kitchen. Meanwhile, the rest of the Bucket family would spend the rest of their lives contently furnishing their government housing and standing in front of me in line at the Pathmark, buying ample Gatorade and Doritos with 4 different access cards.